Beauty of Barrenness

Lately, I've been feeling a bit down & blue. I guess to be exact, DEPRESSED. It's really starting to take a toll on me. And I'm not sure where to go from here. All I can do is leave it in the Lord's hands. Because I am a mere human being that does not have the will power to cast off my PCOS. But then again, like I said, I am human. I have doubts, and lately, I've just been researching & figuring out what to do next. The next step. Because I'm just a planner. That's how I am.  Lately this his has been my daily routine: Google-->How to treat PCOS-->How to conceive with PCOS-->PCOS diets And so on and so forth... one page leads to another, and all the information on the websites are great & "helpful" but where do I begin? Where do I start this whole entire process of life change? And then the questions pop up again in my head, "Why, of all the people in the world, do I have to be diagnosed with PCOS? Why me?...

So here goes, married 6 years going on 7, & still no baby. Why? To be honest, I think I was probably in denial of accepting the truth that something was probably wrong with me. I mean, how could it not have bothered me that I wasn't having my monthly cycle? I didnt think that anything was wrong with me at the time, but some drastic changes happened so quickly to me, that I felt like it all had to have connected somehow. I married Roger weighing in at about 100 lbs. and within 1-2 months, I had gain so much weight. I went from 100 lbs to 145 lbs. I had gone from a size 0/1 to a 9, in just 2 months. How was that even possible? I didnt even feel a change in my diet. I felt like everything I did was still pretty much the same as it always was. Another thing was that my acne, which was pretty bad all over my face, had cleared out immediately. For some odd, strange reason, I just stopped breaking out as soon as my monthly cycles stopped as well. I couldn't make sense of it much...

So, Roger & I have been married for about 6 years now. It was a young marriage & we didn't think about how or when we were going to have children. As most people assumed that the reason as to why we got married at such an early age was that, he possibly knocked me up. But the truth of the matter was we never slept together. So the answer was no. We didn't get married because I was pregnant. We got married because two people came together & felt love for each other & wanted to commit to each other for life. We wanted more in our relationship. And we felt that God had made His plans for us pretty obvious. We were to get married.  At age 15 & Roger was 19, exactly 4 years older, we got married, traditionally/culturally on February 19th, 2005. We've had a great first couple of years testing each other & getting to know each other. Learning our ways & our passions together. We never really planned to have kids right away because we were so young, but...