Beauty of Barrenness

Image by Indulgy.com Some days are easier than others. God has given me peace in these sufferings. But I'm still human. Everyday as I make the choice to dwell on His promises instead of my situation, He gives me more & more strength. With every passing day, it became a little easier to talk about infertility.  I remember days where we'd have family gatherings & our relatives would come up to us & point out things like: "You've been married for so long now, why don't you guys have some kids?" "Don't wait too long because you're only getting older." "Why would you prefer getting a dog over having a child?" "Do you guys not want kids?" "Oh, don't worry just take advantage of being child-less right now." In those moments, I can honestly tell you, I wanted to cry my eyes out. Some day's I was able to just brush those questions aside. I mean, I know they had good intentions. They...

Hi Readers! Today I've decided to share with you the heart behind my blog. Beauty of Barrenness . About 4 years ago, God had placed this passion on my heart. To share my story to others. My story of infertility & barrenness. I attempted to publish a few posts, but still felt so much bitterness towards my situation. I undeniably got consumed with trying to conceive. Nothing else mattered to me. Out of my mouth came words that just masked how I really felt internally. I'd lay in bed at night questioning God. Why? Why me? Why can't I have kids? You know I LOVE kids. Why would you let this happen to me? In that season of my life, I had no one to turn to. Literally no one. Even Roger didn't even know how to comfort me. We were both silent in this what seemed like a never ending storm. We were trying to stay strong for each other. We weren't seeking God's will or comfort. We were so lost. A part of me even questioned if he would no longer love me because...

So here goes, married 6 years going on 7, & still no baby. Why? To be honest, I think I was probably in denial of accepting the truth that something was probably wrong with me. I mean, how could it not have bothered me that I wasn't having my monthly cycle? I didnt think that anything was wrong with me at the time, but some drastic changes happened so quickly to me, that I felt like it all had to have connected somehow. I married Roger weighing in at about 100 lbs. and within 1-2 months, I had gain so much weight. I went from 100 lbs to 145 lbs. I had gone from a size 0/1 to a 9, in just 2 months. How was that even possible? I didnt even feel a change in my diet. I felt like everything I did was still pretty much the same as it always was. Another thing was that my acne, which was pretty bad all over my face, had cleared out immediately. For some odd, strange reason, I just stopped breaking out as soon as my monthly cycles stopped as well. I couldn't make sense of it much...

So, Roger & I have been married for about 6 years now. It was a young marriage & we didn't think about how or when we were going to have children. As most people assumed that the reason as to why we got married at such an early age was that, he possibly knocked me up. But the truth of the matter was we never slept together. So the answer was no. We didn't get married because I was pregnant. We got married because two people came together & felt love for each other & wanted to commit to each other for life. We wanted more in our relationship. And we felt that God had made His plans for us pretty obvious. We were to get married.  At age 15 & Roger was 19, exactly 4 years older, we got married, traditionally/culturally on February 19th, 2005. We've had a great first couple of years testing each other & getting to know each other. Learning our ways & our passions together. We never really planned to have kids right away because we were so young, but...