A Continuous Transformation

My story started about 4 years ago. With PCOS , I had gained weight and at the time, it seemed like the darkest days I'd ever experienced. I was depressed, discouraged, & insecure. PCOS had brought me to a place of complete misery. Not only did I not feel good internally, but externally, I couldn't even stand the sight of myself. I went from a size 0/1 on the day of my wedding, and in 4-6 short months, I had shot up to an 8/9.

Spring 2007              Winter 2015

Everyone around me noticed it too. But they were just "being nice." Complimenting at the assumption that I must be so happy after I got married that I didn't care about my body or weight anymore. That wasn't the case. My eating habits didn't change. Yet I had gained massive weight in such a short time. Little did I know at that time that PCOS had crept up on me. It explained the hormone changes and the weight gain. The depression roller coaster I was on & also the groggy feeling of my own body conscience.

Everything I wore was either "too tight" or "too loose" in the words of someone close to me.--Which hurt even more. I honestly don't know how, but one day, it was just like any other day. The same comments were being said about me & the light bulb just literally popped out of no where.
"That's it!"  I thought to myself. I did not need to live this way. Trying to earn the favor of others. Trying to "look" beautiful to those around me.

I needed to do it for myself. To accept myself whether others choose to or not. It had occurred to me that day, that I was only trying to measure up to the expectations that people had for me. Even my own family. I decided that I was going to not care about what others said about me anymore from that day forward.

I started working out, making healthier decisions, & caring for my own well being. It was no longer about how others would think about me. But how I saw myself. I got involved in a super loving & encouraging fitness community that never judged me, always cheered me on, & on days where I gave up, they'd pull me back on track again. Not only did I learn to strengthen my persistence & physical body, but I also grew stronger in my thoughts & my heart.

I learned to embrace the body that I'd been given. To love & care for it. To treat it well & nurture it as best I could. I learned to love myself. That, as cliche as it sounds, I needed to love myself from the inside- out. Tone it Up challenged me beyond what I could've ever done myself. The trainers were absolutely positive, gentle, and kind in their resources. They truly care about women lifting other women. Whether it be  nationally through social media or locally. We became women who saw the best in each other. We had meet-ups, work out sessions, appetizer gatherings & much more.

I not only gained an outlet for myself to find resources & workouts to commit to, but a beautiful family. Everyone in this #fitfamily is truly positive & encouraging. In the middle of journeying through some emotional, mental, & physical healing, I also read well known Christian author & President of Proverbs31 Ministries, Lysa Terkeurst's book, "Made to Crave: Satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food." It was an inspiring & convicting book. It taught me to love my body in a whole new way.

Some quotes from her book:

“God made us capable of craving so we’d have an unquenchable desire for more of Him, and Him alone. Nothing changes until we make the choice to redirect our misguided cravings to the only one capable of satisfying them.” 

“Getting healthy isn’t just about losing weight. It’s not limited to adjusting our diet and hoping for good physical results. It’s about re-calibrating our souls so that we want to change — spiritually, physically, and mentally. And the battle really is in all three areas.” 

“Honestly, I am made for more than a vicious cycle of eating, gaining, stressing — eating, gaining, stressing … I am made to rise up, do battle with my issues and, using the Lord’s strength in me, defeat them—spiritually, physically, and mentally—to the glory of God.”

“I am a Jesus girl who can step on the scale and see the numbers as an indication of how much my body weighs and not as an indication of my worth.” 

There were so many great profound truths in what she had shared in her book. I was forever changed after reading this book. Not only did this book come to me at a great time in my life, but the Lord was already revealing these small truths in my heart. I just wasn't able to connect it all together. Not until I read her story. Her testimony. And found that the same God that gave her these revelations is the same God that moves & speaks to me. 

I can proudly say now, that after 4 years, I'm headed in a healthy direction. Not only am I practicing to be fit & healthy physically but spiritually as well.  It goes hand in hand. But if all else fails, I'd rather invest in the strength of my spirit than my own fleshly body. I still have a long ways to go. But every step I take from here on out is only forwards. To a stronger, healthier, & happier me. A mantra that I think of daily is, " I want to be the best version of me." There are days where I wanna let out the white flag & give up, but then there are days where I see that it's just a season of refining me as a whole.

So I press on & look towards whats ahead & I think to myself, "God, I'm ready. Whatever you have set & planned for my future, I'm ready." 

Of course we will never be perfect. But we are called to strive for the best & to be our best. Therefore my life will be A Continuous Transformation. 

                My Heaviest: 149                                                                              My Current Weight: 129