Beauty of Barrenness

I don't know how many of you guys feel about tests, but I hate them. Its one test after another. I just had one this past Monday. Which I almost decided to just miss it because I wasn’t thrilled about the test that I was going in for. The Pregnancy Test! There is so much pain when you are taking this test. And even though it may just be a little pee stick, its heart breaking you know? I feel like I’m being judged. I am of no womanly-hood if I cannot get pregnant. To hear or see the “NOT Pregnant” sign is so disappointing. It just really makes it all the worse. Why did I have to go in for this test? Well, because I have PCOS, I lack female hormones, therefore I don’t have my periods, therefore, I can’t produce/release eggs, & that makes my chance of Pregnancy very low. After my first visit with my doctor, she decided to just jump right into the wagon & try to help as best possible. She had me starting out with something called Provera. This just gives me the hormones tha

Lord, at this time I need peace. There are things that I struggle with in life, & alot of times, I just feel alone. Father, I know that I'm never alone cause I have you. But I need someone. Someone, to pick me back up. Someone to shower me with love & encouragement. Lord, why does this road have to be so bumpy & painful? So narrow? So dark? Why do I feel so alone in times like these. I feel like my husband doesnt even know my heart. And most of all doesnt even understand the pain that I am enduring. Father give me patience. Reveal to me what your will is Father. Give us a better understanding of what your will is for us. Because we are only human. We know not what you know & we dont understand why things happen to us. I trust in you Lord. I do. But through this time frame of waiting. I need you to supply me with love & patience. Is it too hard to ask for trust from others? Is it not important enough for us to keep things to ourselves? I dont know Lord. Fath

What is PCOS? If you're wondering... Polycystic ovary syndrome is a condition in which there is an imbalance of a woman's female sex hormones. This hormone imbalance may cause changes in the menstrual cycle, skin changes, small cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other problems. Causes, incidence, and risk factors Female sex hormones include estrogen and progesterone, as well as hormones called androgens. Androgens, often called "male hormones," are also present in women, but in different amounts. Hormones help regulate the normal development of eggs in the ovaries during each menstrual cycle. Polycystic ovary syndrome is related to an imbalance in these female sex hormones. Too much androgen hormone is made, along with changes in other hormone levels. It is not completely understood why or how the changes in the hormone levels occur. Follicles are sacs within the ovaries that contain eggs. Normally, one or more eggs are releas

Lately, I've been feeling a bit down & blue. I guess to be exact, DEPRESSED. It's really starting to take a toll on me. And I'm not sure where to go from here. All I can do is leave it in the Lord's hands. Because I am a mere human being that does not have the will power to cast off my PCOS. But then again, like I said, I am human. I have doubts, and lately, I've just been researching & figuring out what to do next. The next step. Because I'm just a planner. That's how I am.  Lately this his has been my daily routine: Google-->How to treat PCOS-->How to conceive with PCOS-->PCOS diets And so on and so forth... one page leads to another, and all the information on the websites are great & "helpful" but where do I begin? Where do I start this whole entire process of life change? And then the questions pop up again in my head, "Why, of all the people in the world, do I have to be diagnosed with PCOS? Why me?&qu

So here goes, married 6 years going on 7, & still no baby. Why? To be honest, I think I was probably in denial of accepting the truth that something was probably wrong with me. I mean, how could it not have bothered me that I wasn't having my monthly cycle? I didnt think that anything was wrong with me at the time, but some drastic changes happened so quickly to me, that I felt like it all had to have connected somehow. I married Roger weighing in at about 100 lbs. and within 1-2 months, I had gain so much weight. I went from 100 lbs to 145 lbs. I had gone from a size 0/1 to a 9, in just 2 months. How was that even possible? I didnt even feel a change in my diet. I felt like everything I did was still pretty much the same as it always was. Another thing was that my acne, which was pretty bad all over my face, had cleared out immediately. For some odd, strange reason, I just stopped breaking out as soon as my monthly cycles stopped as well. I couldn't make sense of it much

So, Roger & I have been married for about 6 years now. It was a young marriage & we didn't think about how or when we were going to have children. As most people assumed that the reason as to why we got married at such an early age was that, he possibly knocked me up. But the truth of the matter was we never slept together. So the answer was no. We didn't get married because I was pregnant. We got married because two people came together & felt love for each other & wanted to commit to each other for life. We wanted more in our relationship. And we felt that God had made His plans for us pretty obvious. We were to get married.  At age 15 & Roger was 19, exactly 4 years older, we got married, traditionally/culturally on February 19th, 2005. We've had a great first couple of years testing each other & getting to know each other. Learning our ways & our passions together. We never really planned to have kids right away because we were so young, but