Beauty of Barrenness

A very inspiring video. Its helping me have hope & I'm slowly learning to leave it in the Lord's hands...

I've been trying to get a hang of taking my body temperature every morning. But it is killing me! It takes so much work to just wake up early in the morning, take your temperature & go back to sleep again. I don't know why its such a pain but it is. My weekends are always crazy so my sleeping pattern changes a lot! And this effects my waking up to record my temperature. Oh man, I feel like giving up. I'm finding myself exhausted & drained most of the time. What sucks even more is that I'm all over the chart. Theres no peaking or anything. It's literally all over across the board. I'm getting kind of worried.

I don't know how many of you guys feel about tests, but I hate them. Its one test after another. I just had one this past Monday. Which I almost decided to just miss it because I wasn’t thrilled about the test that I was going in for. The Pregnancy Test! There is so much pain when you are taking this test. And even though it may just be a little pee stick, its heart breaking you know? I feel like I’m being judged. I am of no womanly-hood if I cannot get pregnant. To hear or see the “NOT Pregnant” sign is so disappointing. It just really makes it all the worse. Why did I have to go in for this test? Well, because I have PCOS, I lack female hormones, therefore I don’t have my periods, therefore, I can’t produce/release eggs, & that makes my chance of Pregnancy very low. After my first visit with my doctor, she decided to just jump right into the wagon & try to help as best possible. She had me starting out with something called Provera. This just gives me the hormones tha...

Lord, at this time I need peace. There are things that I struggle with in life, & alot of times, I just feel alone. Father, I know that I'm never alone cause I have you. But I need someone. Someone, to pick me back up. Someone to shower me with love & encouragement. Lord, why does this road have to be so bumpy & painful? So narrow? So dark? Why do I feel so alone in times like these. I feel like my husband doesnt even know my heart. And most of all doesnt even understand the pain that I am enduring. Father give me patience. Reveal to me what your will is Father. Give us a better understanding of what your will is for us. Because we are only human. We know not what you know & we dont understand why things happen to us. I trust in you Lord. I do. But through this time frame of waiting. I need you to supply me with love & patience. Is it too hard to ask for trust from others? Is it not important enough for us to keep things to ourselves? I dont know Lord. Fath...

What is PCOS? If you're wondering... Polycystic ovary syndrome is a condition in which there is an imbalance of a woman's female sex hormones. This hormone imbalance may cause changes in the menstrual cycle, skin changes, small cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other problems. Causes, incidence, and risk factors Female sex hormones include estrogen and progesterone, as well as hormones called androgens. Androgens, often called "male hormones," are also present in women, but in different amounts. Hormones help regulate the normal development of eggs in the ovaries during each menstrual cycle. Polycystic ovary syndrome is related to an imbalance in these female sex hormones. Too much androgen hormone is made, along with changes in other hormone levels. It is not completely understood why or how the changes in the hormone levels occur. Follicles are sacs within the ovaries that contain eggs. Normally, one or more eggs are releas...

Lately, I've been feeling a bit down & blue. I guess to be exact, DEPRESSED. It's really starting to take a toll on me. And I'm not sure where to go from here. All I can do is leave it in the Lord's hands. Because I am a mere human being that does not have the will power to cast off my PCOS. But then again, like I said, I am human. I have doubts, and lately, I've just been researching & figuring out what to do next. The next step. Because I'm just a planner. That's how I am.  Lately this his has been my daily routine: Google-->How to treat PCOS-->How to conceive with PCOS-->PCOS diets And so on and so forth... one page leads to another, and all the information on the websites are great & "helpful" but where do I begin? Where do I start this whole entire process of life change? And then the questions pop up again in my head, "Why, of all the people in the world, do I have to be diagnosed with PCOS? Why me?...

So here goes, married 6 years going on 7, & still no baby. Why? To be honest, I think I was probably in denial of accepting the truth that something was probably wrong with me. I mean, how could it not have bothered me that I wasn't having my monthly cycle? I didnt think that anything was wrong with me at the time, but some drastic changes happened so quickly to me, that I felt like it all had to have connected somehow. I married Roger weighing in at about 100 lbs. and within 1-2 months, I had gain so much weight. I went from 100 lbs to 145 lbs. I had gone from a size 0/1 to a 9, in just 2 months. How was that even possible? I didnt even feel a change in my diet. I felt like everything I did was still pretty much the same as it always was. Another thing was that my acne, which was pretty bad all over my face, had cleared out immediately. For some odd, strange reason, I just stopped breaking out as soon as my monthly cycles stopped as well. I couldn't make sense of it much...