A Battle You Know Nothing About
|Image by Indulgy.com|
With every passing day, it became a little easier to talk about infertility.
I remember days where we'd have family gatherings & our relatives would come up to us & point out things like:
"You've been married for so long now, why don't you guys have some kids?"
"Don't wait too long because you're only getting older."
"Why would you prefer getting a dog over having a child?"
"Do you guys not want kids?"
"Oh, don't worry just take advantage of being child-less right now."
In those moments, I can honestly tell you, I wanted to cry my eyes out. Some day's I was able to just brush those questions aside. I mean, I know they had good intentions. They just didn't know the choice of words that they used could pierce my heart so deeply. I know it wasn't their fault. I don't blame them.
There's a saying,
" Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."
- Wendy Mass, The Candymakers
Boy, has God completely given me a humble perspective of viewing others in this way. It wasn't true until I experienced it for myself. So many times, people will just look right through you and assume the worst of you, not even knowing the storms you're facing.
Can I just say, God had a whole lot of healing to do in me. I'll be honest, from day one, I wanted to keep it a secret. I didn't want anyone to know. I was ashamed of my "condition." Especially in my culture & society, it just isn't "normal." I mean who says having kids right after marriage is normal? Some of us don't even think about having kids until we're older & more stable, and infertility sneaks up & we're left without any other options. Or at least that was how it felt.
I had other options. I just didn't want to face those options. I knew that of anything, I needed healing. Miraculous healing. Healing that only Jesus Himself could provide. As time slowly but surely went on, telling my story didn't hurt so much as it did the times before. I made a decision just after a few months of complete obsession over "trying to conceive," that I would not let fertility be my idol. Because its just that easy to get carried away by trying to take things into our own hands right?
It was still hard, but daily, I would trade my pain & sorrow for His joy & peace. Daily, I had to surrender the sufferings that I felt wallowing in my soul. God was and continues to be faithful every step of the way. As each day passes, God slowly molds courage within me to speak boldly of my testimony to others. And every opportunity that He continues to give me, He's asking me to take another step into trusting His plan for me. I consider that miraculous healing.
It was not easy at first. If anything, I think its absolutely okay to feel pain. In fact, I believe there is a time to mourn. But let us not dwell in that season for too long. God has other plans for our lives. I cannot vouch that the pain is diminished after His healing. But I can tell you, that the peace & joy that He rewards you will outweigh the pain inside. And like the quote in the picture above says, "When you can tell your story and it doesn't make you cry, you'll know you have healed."
What battles are you facing in this moment? Is it hard to talk about it to others? Do you feel like you're all alone?
Remember that loneliness is only a lie from the enemy. God promises that He is carrying you every step of the way. (The Footprints Prayer)