What Most Influences Your Self Worth?
Give each item below a grade from 0-10, (0—It doesn’t influence my self-worth all; 10—It significantly influences my self-worth).
____My relationship with my spouse
____My desire to be a parent
____The fact that I am loved unconditionally by God
____My relationships with friends/family
____My job, ministry, or another activity
____My material status (where we live, what we own)
Where is your self worth coming from? In other words, what defines you?
Does your current status define you? Or does a dream or desire define you?
Is it a relationship with someone? Or a position you are holding?
Maybe even your income, or your desire to be wealthy?
For years, I let PCOS define me. I let the world define me. I would look onto other women whom so easily conceived and I'd beat myself up about not being able to measure up to them. I grew up wishing & hoping that once I got married to the man of my dreams, we would start up a family & live happily ever after. Fortunately, I married the man of my dreams, but the dream to start up a family began to die. Year after year, it became more & more clear that it was going to be difficult for us to conceive. And in those years, I started giving into the lies of the enemy. Believing that I had no worth because I wasn't "normal."
This lead me to become insecure about my marriage as well. Seeing that we were not going to have children any time soon, I couldn't help but fear that I wouldn't be able to fulfill his desire to have children. Or to become a father. It was way out of my control, but I couldn't help but feel responsible as well. I would give into the lies that maybe I would never be enough for him. Maybe, he will leave me & find a wife that could satisfy his desires to be a father. I felt as if my value had decreased based on everyone's inability to see my true worth.
All this just because I found myself worthless if I couldn't be a normal woman & bear children for him. For us. For the world to validate that we were in the right direction. I began to question God if I'd ever be able to have kids. Or if I'd ever be able to have a family with my dear husband. It was during this time in my life where I got consumed in doing all that I could to have children. I'd waste time away researching on things I could naturally do. I'd look up the chances of having children with PCOS and that didn't help one bit. I even desperately tried all the herbal medicines that everyone would find for me. I drank teas, took vitamins, & I'd pray the wrong prayers.
I was only pleading for my will to be done. I was desiring children more than I desired Christ. I wanted children because people where asking me why I didn't want children. And I begged for children because of selfish intentions. Only so that I could be seen as a mother. I had idolized the desire to have children. All I would do was spend countless nights crying and question God's will and Roger's love for me. I felt so insecure. I thought that if I wasn't going to be able to give him a family of our own, then he'd most likely leave me. All of this only lead me into a path of destruction. I was falling apart and I felt so lost, so alone, so unlovable, and so worthless. I began questioning God what my purpose was if it was not to start a family and be a mother?
I praise God for rescuing me out of the pit of darkness I was spiraling into. The Lord started to remind me that my worth is not in having children. And that whether I have children or not, it will not define me. I didn't need to try to fix anything because even I knew that I have no control over this situation. And what other people had to say about my infertility, does not define me nor does it make me worthless. 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "The LORD sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart."
The world we live in teaches us to compare ourselves with others. And it teaches us to set up these unrealistic standards and expectations for ourselves. To overgeneralize the negatives; "I've failed-THAT makes me a failure." We default to harboring false guilt & become absorbed to trying to earn our worth. Instead of letting God define us for we were made in His image. (Genesis 1:27) None of these soul-sucking things are life-giving. Nor do they add value to who we are.
Today, may you receive your God-Given worth.
To fully realize how worthy you are, embrace these truths:
Work on eliminating negative attitudes and beliefs. (Philippians 4:8)
Obtain a scriptural understanding of having love for yourself. (Galatians 5:14)
Refuse to compare yourself with others. (2 Corinthians 10:12)
Thank God for His unconditional love for you. (Psalm 48:9)
Hope in God's promise to mold you to be like Christ. (Romans 8:29)
Yield your talents and abilities to helping others. (Romans 12:6-8)
When I found my worth in Christ Jesus, I realized, I didn't need to continue doing a single thing to add to who I am in order for my husband to love me or more importantly, for me to love myself. God has taught me to love myself & see myself through His eyes. When I truly learned that nothing else defines me, my life was re-filled with joy and happiness again. I wasn't even sure when I had lost it, but I know God was restoring me. Not just as a person, but as a wife, daughter, sister, & even as a mother.
What do you find in your life, that defines you? Have you experienced a downward spiral of bondage to comparison & acceptance? Where does you worth come from?